If You Have To Ask, You Already Know The Answer

Earlier today I asked the question on Facebook

“Do you believe if a person has to ask if their partner is cheating, they already know the answer?”

For the most part, many say trust your intuition, while others say be wary of emotional scarring from relationships gone by.

I have to wonder, where exactly do you draw the line between privacy and secrecy? When it comes to communications with other people, when do those communications cross the threshold into inappropriate?

Let’s say both people agreed to see each other exclusively – Partner A approaches Partner B wishing to discuss feelings of concern based on nothing more than intuition (and maybe a little white lie from long ago). Partner B dances around the topic, ultimately leaving Partner A’s mind and heart in an uneasy state, does that provide justification for the unsettled partner to investigate by whatever means to find the source of these uneasy feelings?

At the moment, I’m finding myself struggling with a lack of trust. Having been in not one, but two marriages that ended as the result of infidelity, I wonder how much of my ‘intuition’ is clouded by a history of misplaced trust? Don’t get me wrong, “A” is a wonderful man and I truly believe he is worthy of 98% of my trust – however, I believe everyone is capable of making a mistake – so the other 2% I dedicate to that chance.

I know, some will say it takes time to heal – but having been single for 8 years between the two marriages, I can say, without pause, time does not heal the wounds left by an unfaithful partner. For me, it’s more a matter of finding a partner who will consider those wounds and avoid reinjuring them, at all cost.

One of the responses I received to my Facebook call was:

If you are feeling a little something…and your partner won’t talk to you when you ask directly, I do not feel it remains a moral issue to ‘snoop’…because you have your sexual health and any ties you have together to consider.

Now, let’s say the uneasy partner does go “snooping” and uncovers nothing of any great concern – how much damage is this going to inject in the heart of this relationship?

Seems to me, the perfect example of the proverbial double-edged sword. No?

Then again, if the “snooping” results in something that causes even greater concern, how do you approach your partner and share with them the fact that you went snooping through their private space?

Sounds like it would be much easier to just cut bait and run doesn’t it? But try telling that to the heart! Last I checked my heart had no ears and heard nothing when it came to sound advice on the topic of love.

Please do sound off – my heart may not be listening at the moment, but when the time comes that it does, I’d like to have some solid advice to latch on to.

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