Secrecy vs. Privacy – The new relationship with old baggage

It’s no big secret that I have been married twice, divorced twice and cheated on twice. Seems I have a real knack for attracting men with a cheating heart.

People often dish up the age old advice of not carrying old emotional baggage into a new relationship, but when you’ve been cheated on, how can you truly trust again?

I remember the days of opening up the bank statement and finding the cheapest, sleaziest local motel had charged our account on a Saturday night when I knew full good and well the father of my kids was not home.

I remember the day that an overwhelming feeling of deception poured over me when I checked my second husbands email to find that he’d been engaging in not one, but several, married and looking casual encounters dating sites and had even arranged a meet with one woman.

I’m sad to say, that lack of trust has poured over into my new relationship and while there are many times I trust him more than life itself, there have been a few episodes that lead me to wonder if I’ve attracted yet, another cheating heart.

Technology can be a terrible thing. It can build your suspicions in a way that eats at you like a cancer.

I make it a habit to check the history on my computers for possible hacking as well as monitoring the two teenage boys I have in the house. There has been a few occasions that I have found searches, traces of email contact (without content) and peeking at personal ads (without a membership) that obviously belonged to my boyfriend and not my kids. To date I have encountered a handful of questionable episodes for which he has a believable excuse.

It’s my belief that people, whether man or woman, are easily tempted. People make mistakes. By engaging in certain acts, it can sometimes place a person in the position of temptation they may not be strong enough to reject. It’s that lack of willpower that I concern myself with most.

I believe there is a big difference between secrecy and privacy.

Privacy is something that is mine – something I am interested in, no one else in the house might be – I share my thoughts and engage in friendly exchanges but keep a very defined line drawn on what is appropriate behavior. Basically I don’t do or say anything I would not want my man doing.

Secrecy is something that is destructive. Secrets are painful to keep, painful to share and pose a real threat to a relationship. If a person is engaging in an act and their partner were to find out about it, that’s wrong.

There can be nothing stronger nor weaker than the human will and when you commit to a relationship with another person, you should have mastered strong will.

I have to wonder though – how much privacy is good in a relationship?

Would you offer up your email passwords to your partner or is that something kept private?

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