Seventeen Years – Poof! Gone!

Over the course of a single week, the weather has gone from suffocating and record breaking heat to what Gus calls “perfect football weather.” Which of course when translated by yours truly means “freezing. my. ass. off.”

Last night we braved the coolness, plopped our butts on the cold metal bleachers to take in the junior varsity football game my boys were playing in. This particular game was of utmost importance to them because it was against the school we’d just moved from in June.

We took our favorite spot situated next to our friend “D” – who also happens to be the grown up version of a little girl I used to babysit for when she was a wee one and who later, in her teenage years babysat for my kids.

I know… small world, right?

I happen to like it that way.

While sitting in the stands looking just beyond the game that was being played on the field, I looked out at #42 (That’s really MY number 42 shown above) and #64 at how tall and manlike they appeared to be. I glanced down at my friends little boy who happens to be a precious seven-year-old and thought that my own two should still be that small.

Where has time gone?

How could my babies have grown into men so quickly?

I can’t believe I have spent so much time locked up in work – chasing the almighty dollar – so focused on what I felt I “needed to do” that I didn’t realize they’d grown into fine young men!

Once home and post thaw, I climbed in between the sheets waiting for sleep to consume me much like tiredness already had. I listened in the silence remembering listening to a very similar silence years ago. A silence that would offer me reassurance that my babies were sleeping peacefully and I myself could drift off much the same.

Seventeen years are gone – the silence is the same – the chilled night air is the same – but the little boys who used to reach up to hug me goodnight are now the ones I reach up to.

Today I noted regret.

I wish I’d slowed down some – I wish I would have done without some things – balanced others and spent more time with my kids. Even though I have worked from home nearly their entire lives, I’ve still managed to miss out on so much. Realizing that just because I happened to be home when they were, didn’t really mean I was actually home.

And that is something I’ll never get back.

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