The grass is always greener on the other side

How often have you reflected on that comment when your eyes begin to roam in public or when browsing the constant temptations being thrust in your face on the internet? You’re minding your own business, browsing for the best deals on ebay or searching for a new tool to add to your collection when suddenly an ad pops up in your face inviting you to play with this “hot single” that’s waiting just for you!

Before you know it you are thinking, it won’t hurt to just take a look and see how the other side lives. One click leads to another and another and suddenly you sucked right into a world of fantasy that flatters you, makes you feel desirable and a smile creeps across your face, click, click, click.

Now you find yourself trying to justify your actions to overpower that sense of guilt by claiming, “it’s the internet, it’s not real.” But honestly, how real is it?

For as long as there have been marriages there have been the beliefs that singles have more fun all while singles seem to be on a constant search to find their place within a comfortable compatible relationship. It’s a never-ending process.

Don’t be fooled! Although it may seem your single friends are having more fun, I can tell you from the single woman’s perspective, it’s more challenging than any job or career I have ever had.

Having been a single mother, dating became more challenging than my chosen career. Every relationship, when fresh and new gives you the sense of bliss, but when the newness wears off, you’d better have more to go on than laughter and lust.

Although I strongly urge anyone who is in an abusive relationship to find the courage to leave, I, on the other hand encourage anyone seeking a little more excitement to look within themselves and their own relationship and do what you can to create that excitement and passion at home. Leaving a spouse or partner because the relationship has grown boring can only lead to more heartache, more work and more confusion than you ever imagined. Remember it does take two to create passion!

The stresses of a single parent, regardless of whether it is the mother or the father can be overwhelming at best. Anyone you choose to date will have to fit into the lives of more than just you! You date the person to see if you get along and if it’s worth taking to the next step. Then you introduce them to your children, your family, and your friends. How do they measure up? One little glitch in the system and you are back to square one, having invested weeks or months into a person that just didn’t fit.

The countless nights of sleeping alone, the burden’s of carrying the complete financial load, the many nights of eating alone or curling up on the couch with the closest thing to sensual is a lick on the cheek from your faithful companion, your dog.

There will be no one there to help offset the load when a child gets sick, there won’t be anyone there to help you when you get sick, there won’t be anyone there to help erase the fear when you hear a thump in the dark. There won’t be anyone there until the weekend.

There have been countless times I have set back and watched as single friends will tell tales of their singleness as the married friends would look and listen with a certain envying gleam in their eye. You can almost see them get lost in a zone of fantasy wishing they could experience the fun their friends speak of.

Most times you can chalk this up to the fact that misery loves company and the single friend is tired of being single alone. They need to recruit new blood into their single army for their weekend excursions to the single bars, concerts and dinners out where they can finally request a table for more than one.

Married people will often give into these tales of single excitement and the next thing you know, they are single and before long their friend is suddenly dating someone new and that person who once had a comfortable stable but boring marriage is now setting home alone. It’s a vicious cycle that is affecting so many marriages and wrecking havoc on many homes and families.

The online dating scene is a clear testimony that being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There are so many lonely hearts reaching out seeking someone to fill that void in their lives. You can also find in that single scene, many married folks looking for a one-night fling to spice up their lives, or simply trying to find proof that they are still desirable to the opposite sex. Be very cautious of the waters you jump into.

Having been on the single scene, I was suckered by not one but three married men online. All of which I truly believed were far to good of a person to ever lie to me. I felt like the worlds most horrible person when out of the clear blue, a “wife” contacted me. In each case, the wives believed their husbands stories and that I was a home wrecker. They were convinced that I had known all along their husband was married. When in reality I didn’t have a clue!

For the life of me I could not understand how these men could toy with my heart, get me to fall for them when they could not give themselves to me, as they wanted me to give myself to them. But most of all I could not understand how they could so easily wonder outside their marriage and in such selfish acts take advantage of and inflict so much pain on so many people.

For those who are looking for a little excitement in your life, I urge you to look at your partner. Talk to them and do everything you can to find that passion that originally brought you together. If you need a little tutoring, look at the many books that are listed on Amazon, talk to other married folks, not singles who may have an ulterior motive in the destruction of your relationship.

Although the grass may appear greener on the other side, grass always dies when it gets to cold or when seasons change. At the same time in the spring grass comes back to life and can often appear even more beautiful than before especially after a long harsh winter.

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