Escaping Emotional Attachment and Co-Dependency

band-aid In following with the recent post “Do you define yourself by the relationship you’re in? – The night I walked in on the single most defining moment of my entire single life – turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened.

Of course I chose not to run my car into a tree or phone poll in effort to hurt my cheating fiancé’ – but what I did do was make my way to my cousin’s house where I would begin a tradition of spending Christmas Eve with her and her daughter for several years to come.  In fact, I spent every year with them up and until right before my own kids were born.

As time would pass, I reflected on the people I’ve loved dearly who had passed away.  The people I would ache for and miss deeply for a period of time and as with most things, everyday life would settle back in and distractions would be abound.  I would find myself reflecting on my loved one from time-to-time, but the pain and sense of loss would grow more dull.

It was that dulling pain of losing someone I loved dearly that made me realize that taking my own life wasn’t the answer.  What would it accomplish when in effort to hurt the one person who loved me the least – so little in fact that he would choose to have sex in our bed – with my best friend – ON Christmas. 

I realized that it wouldn’t hurt him long enough and that it would hurt the people I love most, more.

Of course we broke up and it was painful to allow time to heal those wounds.  But they eventually healed.

I’d honestly forgotten him until a year or so ago when he’d called a cousin of mine trying to track me down.  My cousin told him I was married, had kids and to take a hike.

It’s truly ironic at just how something that seems so excruciating at the time can end up being one of the best lessons over time.

Do you have a similar story?  A tale of something terrible and painful in your relationships that turned out to be good for you in the long run?  I’d love to hear!  Leave me a comment.

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