Per an email question I received from a reader, I asked the question on Facebook and Twitter – and now I’m asking you!
I was online the other night and decided to read some personal ads on Yahoo Personals. Reading them made for some interesting reading and really I was just curious. The next day my girlfriend was online and by way of our browsing history she saw the site I was on and was able to see which ads I clicked on. She is really hurt and angry with me. I keep trying to explain to her I was just curious but she just doesn’t believe me. I don’t understand why she is getting so upset over this. I never planned to actually contact anyone, I don’t have a profile and won’t have one either. She says that if you are in a committed relationship then there should be no reason at all to be looking at personal ads. Why is she so mad?
My question to Facebook and Twitter was:
What would you do/should you do if you discovered your spouse/significant other was browing personal ad sites?
The responses were:
Response via Twitter simply resulted in the advice to let them continue, monitor the activity to see if it was a one time thing or something more to worry about.
Personally – I don’t think I would have a problem with it if my significant other was forthright with their activity. But to just leave the evidence for his partner to find and then left to imagine what took place or what the motive was leaves room for doubt and bruises the trust in the relationship.
As for sitting back, monitoring the activity, well, I just couldn’t do that. To me, it seems like that the seed of doubt has been planted, not addressing it right away leaves room for the doubt to grow and the damage to penetrate deeper.
As for Mr. Entertained by Personal Ads – I think positive predictability goes a long way. If he is honest with his partner, tells her when and if he visits the sites, pokes fun at some of what he read, but lets her know she the most beautiful and desirable of all – she might just be a little more understanding and forgiving.
What are your thoughts?