Back when I was dating men who were perfectly horrid — one right after the other — I decided to take a break from dating altogether while I figured out a new action plan. Following the advice of some touchy-feel-y New Age-y types, I sat down and wrote a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a man. The theory goes that by writing the list, you’re creating a letter of intent to the Universe, drawing that person (& energy) to your life.
Being a big believer in lists, I was hopeful. Not just for the call-out to the Universe, but because in creating a list, you’re having to dig around in your own head and heart. I’m totally a fan of knowing yourself.
The trick, at least for calling upon any higher powers for help (and for being a positive person in general), is to list all your needed characteristics and wanted traits in positive terms. And to be specific about them. So I couldn’t just write, “No more losers,” or even, “No more controlling men.” You have to phrase them in positive ways, such as, “He will be my partner, my equal, and enjoy both who I am now and who I am becoming,” and, “He will be secure enough in himself to let me be me.”
I wrote things like this too: A good sense of humor. But I quickly discovered that is really open to interpretation. Everyone thinks they are funny, even when they aren’t; not all humor is created equal. So I had to refine that over time.
Eventually I did bring that dream man to me. He’s not perfect; but who is? And my list wasn’t perfect either. Not being materialistic, I didn’t state that he’d bring me sweet gifts every now and then “just because”. I should have done that. *wink*
But the point is, a list or letter to Universe/God/whatever isn’t a bad idea; it helps you clarify just what and who you are looking for.
Just don’t expect your perfect-for-you mate to arrive by 10 AM the next morning. In fact, hope and pray the energy from the letter doesn’t even do that — because you’ll want time to refine it, add and subtract from it.
You can start to write your list now; but don’t expect this to be as easy as making that list of items you need from the pantry. In fact, it seems the worse your past relationships have been, the harder this is… It’s much more difficult to list what you want rather than “No more losers.” And I suspect that’s at least half the point of doing this. By the time you have a valid wish list, you’ll have worked through a lot of that old baggage, sparing both you and Mr. Right a lot of trouble.
Article Credit: Alessia
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