My mother and I have been having a discussion lately on clingy, needy men and my constant effort to make sure my boys don’t grow up to be that way. Even if it means teaching them to fake not being clingy until it becomes habit.
When I was a single parent on the dating scene, there were few things that would turn me off SO bad that I’d bail on the possibility of relationship and never look back – in fact there were many times I’d run, not walk toward the exit.
One friend would jokingly call me the “Queen of first dates” – I knew she meant it in a fun way, but at times it would really set me wondering if there might be something wrong with me – seriously wrong.
I was a complete commitaphobe and learned early on I have this enormous need to be left alone – a lot!
In fact, I’ve often joked with my husband by saying “how can I miss you if you don’t go away?”
I have a relative who can’t figure out why they can’t have a lasting relationship or why they’ve never been able to find someone to settle down with. Care to guess why?
Well, I’ve tried to tell them time and again – but they just don’t seem to listen. So, the relatives example makes it easy for me to point out to my kids, just what needy, clingy and smothering behavior is like.
A few months back I had one son that seemed to be falling into that category – a girl had broken up with him – he began sending her text messages wanting to know what he did that was so wrong, what could he do to win her back, what could he do to change — you get the point…
I wanted to SCREAM! And did actually.
What I did was have him stop texting immediate. Detox for a couple of days and when she began to text him again, I coached him through what to say. He followed my lead and was able to get over that girl and is now fighting the girls off with a stick.
All the girls are crazy over him because he learned confidence, he learned to not be clingy and needy and to make the girls miss him when he’s not around.